Future. Or not.

I'm following steps that might hurt.
I am in a continue search to find who I am.
I feel sad, I feel positive,
But in the end it's all the same.
I do not recognise myself anymore.
It's such a pity that I got here.
No more me, no more nothing.
Apparently, I'm not good at all.
It's not the fact that I don't know,
But I do not owe.
Or perhaps I do not deserve,
Maybe this is the reason.
Every day brings me something.
Bad, usually.
I feel like I'm losing
Everyting I possess as making me entirely human.
But not material stuff.
The other way round.
What should I do?
If I can get an answer to this question,
It means that I'm really good!
I follow steps but shall I follow my heart?
I think I already did this.
Maybe there's no room for me,
Or maybe the time hasn't arrived.
Yes, I try to fool myself with misery.
No one knows how I'm feeling inside.
Uncertain...
I gave up crying.
I don't know exactly what for,
But I gave up doing this.
My soul has remained somewhere
In the nowhere and I do not want
To search him anymore.
I feel like my sadness is overwhelming,
Running through me.
I guess it's because I do not have my soul anymore,
Inside of me.
I'm sick and tired and I do not understand.
Why? Shall I keep trying?
Am I not good at all?
YES is the answer.
Or maybe not. Who knows? Not me!
It begins to look like a wreck.
Inside.
I do not know what led me to this point.
I do blame myself for not being such a
SMART person.
Who knows how my life would have been!...
It's the first time I don't like the future.
It will bring nothing that I want.
More doubts. Less life in me.
What happend with everything?