Sin or not

I'm kind of disappointed.
I knew it should have been this way,
But in the end,
I was optimistic.
I wanted as much as I didn't wanted this.
I'm pretty sure that I would not have reached
'Till the end.
But besides that,
I was hoping just a little?
You know,
When you realize it's not gonna be that way,
You are aware of that,
Bu still... want something.
I'm kind of confused,
I've been thinking of both sides:
What if? and What if I don't?
And it came out nothing.
I guess I was kind of punished,
Doing this.
It's really not appropriate!
I know, everyone was staring,
Not could believe their eyes!
Maybe this was a sin (was it?)
And this is then the right to be.
I wish there'll be another chance.
Or more.
I just don't know,
Do I have to give up because... or
Do I have to continue, because everyone has a place in there?
Only the good ones succeed,
I am really conscious of this.
It was nice and awful in the same time.
I felt the luck has gone away
When she cut my name
On that sheet of paper.
I am punished,
What can I say more?
Be careful what and how you act,
There are consequences.
I am here,
With nothing more to say.
I wish I were luckier, or prettier or healthier,
Or just physically more attractive!
I wish I were something better,
(and for the first time)
That fits in the standard,
'Cause I'm not.
I pray for another chance.
Will I ever see this come true?